depression is like

When I was a kid I believed in monsters and
every night when I went to bed I kept the closet doors shut tight.
Now I know there are no monsters
in the closet or under the bed it’s just the ones inside your head and
god help you if they check for those.

Even though they just say “it’s okay because it’s all in your head”
just like you don’t really have asthma, it’s all in your lungs
but I’m like a newborn baby taking its first breath and screaming
because it can’t get enough air and
I can’t get enough air and
I can never get enough air
so I just keep screaming.

Depression is like learning to swim
with cinderblocks tied to your ankles.
Depression is like learning to sing
with a rope around your throat.
Depression is like learning to walk
but you never learned to stand
so you just keep falling
further
down.
Depression is like being at the dentist.
Your mouth is full of metal and blood and
you can’t talk but you have to try and
you can’t breathe but you have to try and
you can’t think but you have to try.
Depression is like being at the dentist.
Your mouth is full of gauze and novocaine and
you can’t feel anything anymore and you don't remember how to try.
Depression is like those days where the sun is shining for everyone else but
the ground is still oversaturated with rainwater and your shoes sink into the mud
into a grave that you dug for yourself.
Depression is like those days where the clouds come down to play and
fog hangs thick over the earth and
you can’t see six feet ahead so you stumble blindly into a grave that you dug for yourself but
it’s okay because it’s all in your head.
Depression is like
believing in monsters because at least then
you have an excuse for never sleeping.

Depression is like
one in every five high schoolers suffers from a mental illness
Depression is like
500,000 high schoolers will attempt suicide this year and next year and the year after that
Depression is like
if a tree falls in a forest and no one around gives a shit does it make a sound
or does it just suffer in silence
or is it just another statistic?

When I was a kid, every night when I went to bed I kept the closet door shut tight.
Now I know the only monster in my room is the one sleeping in my bed and
I leave the closet door open.